David Brenner

Quotes

The best place in America to get directions, right here in New York City. No matter who you ask, you always get the same directions and you can always understand ‘em. “Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to 58th & Lexington?” “What do I look like? An information booth?”

Do you know they have a pill to stop you from gambling? What are the odds?

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and ask, “Are you reading that?” I didn’t know what to say. So I said, “Yes,” stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

We're careful not to saturate people.

You weren't doing a Cher thing. This wasn't your 12th farewell tour.

All quotes and jokes