Bo Burnham Quotes and Jokes

99 quotes

Roses are grey, Violets are a different shade of grey, Lets go chase cars!

Dick's and vagina's are like Coke and Pepsi, I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they both taste the same.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

I’m circumcised ‘cause I don’t cum from the hood.

When life gets you down, make a comforter.

I love your eyes and their bluish, brownish, greenish color.

Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.

My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

My aunt used to say, slow and steady wins the race. She died in a fire.

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.

Ya back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid, well that and fagot.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.

I’m in magazines full of model teens so far above you. So, read them and hate yourself and pay me to tell you I love you. And the parents always come along, cause their little girl is in love, and how could love be wrong?