Bo Burnham Quotes and Jokes


Roses are grey, Violets are a different shade of grey, Lets go chase cars!

Dick's and vagina's are like Coke and Pepsi, I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they both taste the same.

My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me.

I’m circumcised ‘cause I don’t cum from the hood.

The average penis length is 5-and-a-half inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who Googles "average penis length" is 3-and-a-half inches.

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

When life gets you down, make a comforter.

If Jesus can walk on water can he swim on land?

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.

Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

My aunt used to say, slow and steady wins the race. She died in a fire.