Bob Hope Quotes and Jokes


I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

You can always tell when a man's well-informed. His views are pretty much like yours.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

Elvis is just a young, clean-cut American boy who does in public what everybody else does in private.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.