Brad Stine Quotes and Jokes

25 quotes

Who is more irrational? A man who believes in a God he doesn't see, or a man who's offended by a God he doesn't believe in?

I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.

When did banning anything, ever work? I mean, we banned liquor once in this country, oh, that worked like a charm, didn't it, folks? You couldn't find a drink in the roaring 20's, could ya? See that's the problem with the banning thing! I say why stop there, let's not ban guns, I know, let's ban crime!

If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs.

Because when the Creator of matter, tell you you matter, then you have a purpose and then you have self-esteem.

The wussification of America is killing us by teaching us to censor ourselves from what we believe. That’s why I want to see political correctness die in my lifetime, but first... I want to watch it suffer.

Talk about sexist - have you ever, ever, heard someone come up to a woman and say ‘find your masculine side?’ And by the way women, if you find your masculine side - I’m not interested.

If you can't say something nice... about an overrated, ungrateful European nation that would have been wiped off the face of the earth twice in the twentieth century if it weren't for the United States and which has given nothing to the culture in the past two hundred years but whine and cheese, both of which are made better in California, then don't say anything at all!

God is a crutch? Yeah, well, not believing in God is a coma.

The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, "You offended me" then you say "I don’t care!" If they’re offended by the truth, that’s their issue!

The truth is supposed to hurt. That's how it lets you know you don't got it.

We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. "Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth." Or, "I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth."

People don't realize, or maybe they've forgotten, that there was a time in history when standup comedy wasn't something that you had to hide your kids' ears from.

You’re not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. Oh no! Don’t shoot the animals! They might get their feelings hurt!

They got special terms that they use when they're pregnant. They don't even say "pregnant", got special words they use - "I'm expecting". Expecting what? "I'm expecting a child, silly." Well, then, you probably got a good shot!