Dana Carvey Quotes and Jokes

26 quotes

You cannot pee in a Mr. Coffee and get Taster's Choice.

Wouldn't be prudent. Not gonna do it'.

A long time ago there was a lot of people... but that was a long time ago.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

So I was just sitting on my porch, just minding my own business, and this dog come up to me an says 'Hey, ain't you Ross Perot?' Well, I just about dropped a load. And you all know who the prime authority on talking dogs is? The Republican Party. I rest my case.

Now... just wait a minute. Did I start talking Portuguese up here and not realize it?

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, ''Well, we sure can't spank him.''

My Obama is getting pretty good ... I think I'll vote for whoever makes my portrayal easier. It takes time to put together a comic impression. It takes time to recognize the tics. Right now, for instance, I could do a dead- on Paul Ryan and people wouldn't recognize it. Personalities take a while to sin...

I'm a friend of the CEO of Twitter and he showed me how to be on it, but it causes such an uproar if what you post is perceived in a negative light.

My characters all start with rhythms and sounds. Once I hear the voice and get into the rhythm, the attitude and the physicality just come out on their own.

I have this dream life where I get to be a celebrity but I get to navigate the world fairly easily because I'm always in character.

I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.

I can tell you now what I couldn't tell the studio then: Purely in case the movie was like a monster smash, I would have gotten too recognized.

Please, O ye Lord, keep Jim Bakker behind bars.

When people come to see my stand-up, they get a chance to see my characters interact with each other. I enjoy pushing my characters to the limit. No matter how far out there I go, I look for things that make the characters human. While many comics have a secret persona, I fundamentally want to be myself.