Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.
Don Rickles Quotes and Jokes
I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.
Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.
I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.
I've never walked off stage and said, "I shouldn't have done that." Because when you do what I do, you're like a fighter. You throw the right hand and say, "That's what got me to this dance." You can't have doubt. If you have doubt, there's no show.
No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.
Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.
I'm not a big one for jokes. I can't tell a joke, believe it or not. If you gave me a thousand bucks and said, 'Don, get up at a party and tell a joke', I'm the worst.
Sex is great, but when you get to be my age, you've got to pace it a little bit. Otherwise you get tired.