Mort Sahl Quotes and Jokes

69 quotes

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.

Every time the Russians throw an American in jail, the Committee throws an American in jail to get even.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

If you can't join them, beat them.

You haven't lived until you've died in California.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you will eventually be accused of treason.

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

He was wearing a velvet shirt open to the navel. And he didn't have one. Which is either a show business gimmick, or the ultimate rejection of mother.

Those who learn nothing from history are condemned to rewrite it.

I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas - except the drone.

The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.

If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.