I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There must be.'
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes and Jokes
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said "Are you Louise?" She said, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.