I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There must be.'
Rodney Dangerfield Quotes and Jokes
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said "Are you Louise?" She said, "Are you Rodney?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "I'm not Louise."
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.