A friend of mine has a trophy wife, but apparently, it wasn't first place.
Steven Wright Quotes and Jokes
When I go, I'm flying Air Bizarre. It's a good airline. You buy a one way round trip ticket. You leave any Monday, and they bring you back the previous Friday... That way you still have the weekend.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I was arrested today for scalping low numbers at the deli. Sold number 3 for 28 bucks.
I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.
I met this woman and I really liked her... As soon as I met her all I could think of, I was wondering If there was an opposite of a restraining order... Her eyes were a bit to close together like the headlights on a Jeep, I called her AC... Almost Cyclops...