Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 31
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning... I like to live on the edge...
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game he was watching was better.
He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?