Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Stupidity

31 quotes

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

People who get offended by jokes are fucking stupid.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.

My mom looks at my dad and goes, 'Do I look fat in this dress?' And my dad goes, 'Don't be stupid, you look fat in everything.'

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.

The true Axis of Evil in America is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

Then comes the kicker: Say the alphabet – backwards. "Well, shit, you got me. I'm not drunk, but I'm obviously too stupid to be driving, God damn it."

I will call you stupid for not knowing shit that I just found out yesterday.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I learned early on that passion, stupidity and 80 ounces of cheap beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.

If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.