Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Beat
When they named a hurricane "Hurricane Ike", I went "finally, they have the balls to name a hurricane after a crack smoking, wife beating motherfucker."
Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat. Both his arms were completely broken, which gave me the courage.
My parents used to beat the living shit out of me, okay? And I'm glad they did, and I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my kids!
So, I travel a lot. I hate traveling, mostly cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.
I'm gonna get famous. Then when my career starts to flag, I'm gonna go into a three month fucking bender, OK? Coke, and fucking pot, and smack, and fucking booze, and drive over people, and beat up my kids, go into therapy, go into rehab, come outta rehab, be on the cover of People magazine, and go Sorry! I fucked up!
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When?
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.