Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Change

42 quotes

People with high blood pressure, diabetes - those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.

Divorce is just about change, you know. It's God saying, "You need a change. And I'm going to make it so your bank account only has change."

If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs.

Actually, there's nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change.

Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes they get sober, and sometimes he was just a jerk who you’re lucky to be rid of.

You know when you say something but you want to change in the middle? Like one time I was a bout to say take care but changed in the middle to good luck so it sounded like take luck... If you have any luck take care of it. Take luck you now. Shut up!

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.

When Obama ran, he said, "We can change the world!" The world: can you change it back?!

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.