Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.
Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Truth
Let me tell you the truth. The truth is what is, and what should be is a fantasy. A terrible, terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago.
The truth is Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring his bell just before the dog salivated.
I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an ''act'' and he told the audience, ''This is my act.'' Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.
I can't wait to be arrested and go all the way to the witness stand. "Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you, God?" "Yes, you're ugly. See that women in the jury? I'd really like to sleep with her. Should I keep going or are you going to ask me questions?"
You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.
I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.