Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Rain

26 quotes

I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.

I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"

Normally, in February, in Boston and in most of the country, the weather is gray, rainy, gray, sleet, gray, rain, gray, sleet, snow, gray; every day it just gets grayer and grayer and grayer! You wake up one day, and you go, 'I'm not comin' into work today!' Your boss goes, 'Why not? You sick?' 'No! It's too gray!'

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.

If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

I'm not crying, its just been raining... on my face.

Nobody's about saving anymore. No one cares about a rainy day anymore. Nobody saves up enough for even an umbrella for a rainy day. It's sad. It really is a new form of slavery. We used to work to be able to afford material things. Now we work for these things. They're the boss. That house you can't afford, that car that's out of your price range, that cellphone that drains your bank account - that's your boss.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

My wife's cool. You guys would like her. She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.

My father had a very unusual psychic ability, he could detect water. It's called divining. He would use a Y-shaped U-branch, and he could find water with that, which is a very impressive skill in a country where it rains 365 days of the year.