Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Tennis

7 quotes

Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.

I killed a squirrel once with a car. Twice with a tennis racket.

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.

I had to buy a new printer the other day. The printer I wanted was like $200, but for some reason, I figured out that if I bought a printer/copier/scanner/faxer/coffee maker/clay oven/tennis racquet restringer, it's like $8.95. And I had to ask myself: why would it be that by paying less, I get more? How is it that the less I pay, the more I get? And I've figured out there's only one logical answer - the giant, multinational, megacorporations really just want me to be happy. That's the only possible answer.

I’m actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I’m in the Special Olympics or something.

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

You can equate acting to a tennis game: When you're playing one of the best, you get better.