Quotes & Jokes by David Cross / page 5

Originally they wanted me to be Buster but I really like the Tobias part.

If the owner hadn't come and seen the smoke, by time this place opened tonight it would have been rolling.

I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine.

At that point, we worked to contain the fire from the outside.

I thought it would be way more interesting to show the drunk people, the hecklers.

Because I think whenever you sit down with another human being who would absolutely disagree with you on every issue, you learn about them as a person and you relate, in human terms, and it's much more difficult for either side to dismiss out of hand, like that person's a freak, that person's a Nazi.

I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original thing which I thought was funny.

I know that can hit close to home for some people....was anyone here aborted?... 'I was found in a trash can!' Okay, well, that sorta counts...

There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.

I don't think HBO would want to do anything in conjunction with Sub Pop but I never asked either.

I think people, for the most part, actually want what they think is best.

I guess the lesson to be learned from the church is that while homosexuality is a sin against God, molestation and rape, well... they're just sins against a child.

I'm going to be putting together a tour, where myself and some like-minded comics go out.

I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.

I just recorded another CD for Sub Pop.