Quotes & Jokes by Don Rickles / page 4
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?
I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.
Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
It's tough having the last name Rickles. Luckily, my kids handled it great.
They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.
I don't feel an obligation to give everyone a hard time, but when they're important people, it's fun.
I can sit all day in a comfortable chair and watch ball games, but I don't need a blanket.
To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.
I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, Gee, if only I'd done The Man Who Came to Dinner on Broadway, I would have been happier.