Quotes & Jokes by Felipe Esparza / page 3
According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!
Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.
Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.
I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.
I’m not a tough guy, but I can beat up everyone at Trader Joe’s, but at Food-for-Less I shut up. They don‘t have aisles, they have alleys.
Yeah, people ask me about my hair, 'Felipe, what kind of shampoo do you use?' I say, 'I don't know. I think it's called 'SAMPLE, don't take.'
That security guard can never tell me where to park. What does he know about parking? He can tell me where to stand.
Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.
The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.
While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.
Yeah, I still feel like a homie. That connection is still a big thing, 'cause that's where I came from.
I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn’t writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people’s moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you.