Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 4
Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play "You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille." Never got a dinner!
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, "Salt we got plenty. Coffee we need." Never got a dinner!
Queen Elizabeth, who said, "Not now, I'm on the throne." Never got a dinner!
The captain of the Titanic, who said to room service, "Who sent for all this ice?" Never got a dinner!
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, "Stop shaking!" Never got a dinner!
Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.
Eve, who said to Adam, "What do you mean the kids don't look like you?" Never got a dinner! (Got an apple, but never got a dinner.)
King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, "Who doesn't have a headache tonight?" Never got a dinner!
Ponce de Leon, who said when he discovered the Fountain of Youth, "Where the hell are the paper cups?" Never got a dinner!
Abraham Lincoln, who said, "A house divided... is a condominium." Never got a dinner!
Nancy Reagan, who said to Jerry Zipkin, "What do you wear to a recession?" Never got a dinner!
Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, "What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip!" Never got a dinner!
Moses, who said to the Israelites, "Stop calling me Charlton!" Never got a dinner!
Julius Caesar’s wife, who said to Julius, "We are not naming our son Sid!" Never got a dinner!