Quotes & Jokes by Wanda Sykes / page 6

All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.

He’s going around putting little covers over the electrical outlets and all that stuff, and I’m like, ‘How the kids going to learn about electricity, huh?’

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.

I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.

Men don't hear women.

When we ask you if we look fat, it really means "Can you see my clit?"

Every now and then, I like to give out some advice. Ladies - don't laugh during the porno watching.

"Go have boys' night out" really means "I'll stay home and touch my clit."

I don't go out with my single friends - not at all - because I never have a good time, never have fun. We go to a club, a guy comes over - 'Hey, can I buy you a drink?' They're like, 'No, she's married.' I'm like, 'Yeah, I'm married, but I'm thirsty. Why don't you shut the hell up, and let me have a free drink?'

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

Mostly everything gets worse before it gets better.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.

The fact that women make seventy-five cents to every man's dollar won't bother us as long as you touch our clit.