Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Worth

47 quotes

I was having sex with this girl. And we were towards the end. And she goes, “Fuck me hard with that n-word dick.” And I stop… look at her right in the eye… and I came harder that I ever cum before. It was so awesome, you guys… It was almost worth being black my entire life.

Moving to Australia was not a career move, but a quality of life issue. It has no guns, no God, and no gangster rap. As an Ethiopian cab driver said to me the other day when I was returning from a gig in Sydney, "Australia is a peaceful, democratic place." I like the relatively stress free lifestyle. It's worth the drop in income.

If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.

Because the unexamined life is not worth living, man.

What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, "It's gonna be worth it!".

I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they’re scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: "You can’t just go out and sell it for what it’s worth, we’re holding out for so much more!"

Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait. Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date.

A lot of good has come from drugs. I think "Penny Lane" is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Whoever said "life without love isn't worth living" didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Long ago you may have given up control of your brain and set it on autopilot either because it just felt like too much work. And it is work! But for me, this work was well worth it for the prospect of not waking up sad every day.