Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Experience

26 quotes

Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!

I had the weirdest experience. I'm walking here and I say to myself "my gosh, that's Jimmy Petersen. I haven't seen him since I was nine". And I walked up to him and I slapped him on the back and I said "how's it going, you old rascal?" And he starts crying... And I say to myself, "wait a second, if that's Jimmy Petersen, he would have grown up too!" I mean, sure, now it's obvious...

You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Life experience is the best teacher.

I have found that - just as in real life - imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen.

I needed time to stand back and go through a lot more experience in life. Then I have something to write about, joke or to animate.

Ideally, you want to be in a fifty-fifty power-sharing arrangement with the audience – both of you are there for a mutually enjoyable experience.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.

Do you think it's possible that when we're on something like marijuana or mushrooms and we believe we're having a really spiritual experience that we're just high?

It’s been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is truly a loyal friend, then they wouldn't need to broadcast it; eventually, people will figure it out. I have a lot of good friends and not one of them has ever introduced themselves by saying, "I'm a very good friend."

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

As much experience, education and awareness as one can attain is important for a comedian.