Oh my god. Open and shut case, Johnson. I saw this once when I was a rookie. Apparently this nigger broke in and put up pictures of his family everywhere.
Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Family
Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonna come home with Livin' La Vida Loca!
I’ve got a long history of suicide in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I’m lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her.
Halloween’s my favorite holiday because you don’t have to spend it with your family.
Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man."
I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
My family kinda hit the skids. We were experiencing poverty at that point. We all got a job, where the whole family had to work as security guards and janitors. And I just got angry.