Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Happiness

50 quotes

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue...

“Money doesn’t buy happiness.” Uh, do you live in America? ‘Cause it buys a WaveRunner. Have you ever seen a sad person on a WaveRunner? Have you? Seriously, have you? Try to frown on a WaveRunner. You can’t!

You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle’s no. They’re not allowed.

A man doesn't know what real happiness is until he's married. Then it's too late.

The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift.

I have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, "Oh, and uh, leave off dairy." What kind of blanket sweep is that? "And no more happiness! Away with you!"

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

I certainly do believe that a lot of comedy comes from awkwardness and embarrassment - pointing out the ways things are uncomfortable. Definitely the stuff that interests me. I don’t necessarily think that comedy comes from a dark place, like you have to be a strung-out heroin addict. But I don’t think it comes from happiness, that’s for sure. It comes from frustration and suppressed rage, and wishing the world were different.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.