Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Happiness

50 quotes

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue...

“Money doesn’t buy happiness.” Uh, do you live in America? ‘Cause it buys a WaveRunner. Have you ever seen a sad person on a WaveRunner? Have you? Seriously, have you? Try to frown on a WaveRunner. You can’t!

You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere.

A man doesn't know what real happiness is until he's married. Then it's too late.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle’s no. They’re not allowed.

I have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, "Oh, and uh, leave off dairy." What kind of blanket sweep is that? "And no more happiness! Away with you!"

The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

Happiness is overrated.

Happiness is discovering the prune juice your doctor ordered you to drink has fermented.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.