Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Opportunities

24 quotes

I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it's 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don't.

Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.

If I don’t die in a plane crash or something, this country has a rare opportunity to watch a great talent grow.

Turning a breakup into a break-over... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.

I don't think Hollywood was trying to do anything with me. In fact, they lost interest pretty quick. I think I got lucky, briefly, in the '90s, and it just so happened that those movies were the opportunities that came my way. Then it just kind of stopped.

Water parks provide a wonderful opportunity to meet new people and then soak in their pee.

There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.

The reason you should go to Las Vegas is because, for only the second time, the second time, ever, they have rebuilt Sodom and Gomorrah. It's back!! And you have the opportunity to see it before it turns to salt.

I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief.

If opportunity doesn't knock, just build a door son.

Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less.

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.

Georgia was a great place to live, but I wanted to get out because I knew the opportunities for what I was doing - stand-up comedy and eventually acting - were in Los Angeles.