Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Music

33 quotes

They tell us "Rock'n'roll is the devil's music." Well, let's say we know that rock is the devil's music, and we know that it is, for sure … At least he fucking jams! If it's a choice between eternal Hell and good tunes, and eternal Heaven and New Kids on the fucking Block … I'm gonna be surfin' on the lake of fire, rockin' out.

I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist.

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, then go home and burn all your records, all your tapes, and all your CDs because every one of those artists who have made brilliant music and enhanced your lives? Real fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few songs.

And when did mediocrity become excellence in our country? Music is dead in 2011 because Lady Gaga lives. Really? Is that the best we can do? Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa, "Poker Face"? This stuttering, growling midget with a speech impediment is music? Really? This vapid, pop cancer, Madonna mini-me? She makes Miley Cyrus look like John Lennon. She makes Jack Lemon look like John Lennon. I'm sorry. And you don't get to claim you're not accepted at a billion hits on YouTube. And you're not an artist just cause you can wear a live chimpanzee as a bra. Lady Gaga is proof that David Bowie raped Carol Burnett.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

You know what music is - a harmonic connection between all living beings.

I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, OK!

I always thought music was more important than sex - then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano.

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.

If you watch porn while listening to banjo music, everyone on screen seems related.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

Did you know that if you play the New Kids On The Block record backwards, it actually sounds better.