Stand-Up Comedians' Quotes and Jokes about Alaska

7 quotes

I can't sit down and write jokes. I just flows in from some maddeningly elusive place. Believe me, if I had an Alaska in my brain, I would drill baby drill, and I'd cum right on Sarah's back while I was there.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

Taking a leak on a tree in the great wilderness of Alaska should not be a "who farted?" situation.

I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, "How do you like it up here?" The priest says, "If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini?" "Yes." "Rosary, get the bishop a martini!"

Of course he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from the Russians.

Sarah Palin, part-time Governor of Alaska, is angry because Michele Obama is encouraging kids to eat healthy. Sarah Palin believes the government shouldn't tell us what to do. Sarah Palin believes she should tell us what to do.