Adam Carolla

Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

All quotes and jokes