Adam Carolla

Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

All quotes and jokes