Adam Carolla

Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

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