Adam Carolla

Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

Let me tell you something about the porn industry... they're a little short on brains and a little high on coke, but they're scrappy.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

My penis is like a burn victim after I orgasm. Don't get near it. It hurts. Leave it be.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

All quotes and jokes