Aisha Tyler

Quotes

I married a white guy. Honestly, I had to. My credit was fucked up.

When you first start dating somebody everything they do for you is adorable… “Oh look he gave me a coupon for a hug! Isn’t that sweet!” When you are married that shit goes out the windows. There’s no homemade gifts in marriage. “Man, it is my birthday. Where is my stuff?... I want some jewelry. Every kiss begins with K jackass!”

If God didn’t want us to eat meat, he would have made cows run faster. Anything you can hunt by tiptoeing up to it and hitting in the head with a rock deserves to be dinner.

All quotes and jokes