Aisha Tyler


If God didn’t want us to eat meat, he would have made cows run faster. Anything you can hunt by tiptoeing up to it and hitting in the head with a rock deserves to be dinner.

I married a white guy. Honestly, I had to. My credit was fucked up.

When you first start dating somebody everything they do for you is adorable… “Oh look he gave me a coupon for a hug! Isn’t that sweet!” When you are married that shit goes out the windows. There’s no homemade gifts in marriage. “Man, it is my birthday. Where is my stuff?... I want some jewelry. Every kiss begins with K jackass!”

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