Amy Schumer

Quotes

[On Her Best Friend's Pregnancy] I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

There’s nothing more awkward than going to the first birthday party of a little girl when you told her mom to get rid of her. Because the kid can tell. “Here’s Tickle Me Elmo!” She’s like, “Fuck you!” I stand by my decision.

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

I feel like you know what you're going to be good at when you're older based on what you like when you're younger. When I was younger my best friend was Tony, this kid Tony, and he loved rocks. He was always playing with rocks, counting them, and now he's a crack head.

To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.

All quotes and jokes