Anthony Jeselnik


I know her in the biblical sense…and when I say that, I mean I don’t believe a word she says.

If you suspect your baby may be a problem drinker, please call my cell phone because he sounds fun to hang out with.

I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything.

I only watch the Oscars to make fun of what they wear in the Memoriam.

What do they call that hat Jewish guys always wear? A Yankees cap.

All quotes and jokes
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