Bill Engvall

Quotes

[while snow-skiing with his family] I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

[taking a vacation with his family in Costa Rica] I go "what is it?" And she goes "we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!" Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in the water? "No, that's the best part! We're in the water with the sharks!" And I go "have you lost your mind???"

Ladies, you wake up tomorrow and the newspaper reads "Scientists have discovered a way for men to experience childbirth." That would be awesome.

[during a bit about dogs] That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

I never say never. Who knows? I’d welcome it.

All quotes and jokes