Bill Maher


The Bible, if you read it, looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs. “And then God made woman out of a rib. A rib! Look at that.”

I believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think he’s great. Because suicide is our way of saying to God, “You can’t fire me. I quit.”

In my day, girls used to get pinned in high school. That was the big thing. Now they’re getting nailed.

I have never done heroin. I wouldn’t recommend heroin. But it hasn’t hurt my record collection.

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

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