When I go onstage, I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. It's one of those questions where any and everything is possible. I literally could be talking about somebody I was hanging out with two seconds ago or something from the news. Literally, there's really no rhyme or reason for it. I want to be free flowing like that.
Don't tell God!
What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.
Going there is paying your dues. You always have to pay your dues... You've just got to do it. Maybe I come from a working family. Maybe it's the voice of my mom saying, 'You've always got to be nice to people.' I look at it as saying it's going to be fun. Those people are going to be really, really happy.
That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!All quotes and jokes