Christian Finnegan

Quotes

Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.

I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I’m too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely.

All quotes and jokes