Christian Finnegan

Quotes

Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.

If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I’m too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

Did you ever notice how short the interval is between "I can't wait for summer" and "Fuck this shit"?

All quotes and jokes