Christopher Titus

Quotes

I stopped drinking when I was 17 years old because it’s not good for your health and I fell into a bonfire. Yeah, you’re done there. You don’t need AA. Falling into a bonfire is a one step program.

I think our collective psychosis is hilarious. With the world moving as fast as it is, if we weren't dysfunctional, we couldn't function.

Osama Bin Laden is dead? Oh my God, that was so easy! And it only took two trillion dollars, two wars and too many good men.

Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy.

Your father. He loves you. But, he doesn't like you. And why should he ? Huh ? Ever since you were born, he's had less money, less sex, less time, less stuff. You eat his food. You wear his clothes. You don't give him his messages. And look, you're his son. You suck.

All quotes and jokes