Craig Ferguson

Quotes

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I’ve never understood why they call junk mail “spam,” because spam is delicious and junk mail is annoying. But you can still find both under my couch.

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping my job. I don't care enough about keeping my job right now. That's good. That makes effective at what I do. I don't want to be frightened of getting fired. So to that end I suppose my ambitions are that I spend less than I earn.

All quotes and jokes