Craig Ferguson

Quotes

I’ve never understood why they call junk mail “spam,” because spam is delicious and junk mail is annoying. But you can still find both under my couch.

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I’m sorry that your life turned out like that.

He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.

There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

All quotes and jokes