Craig Ferguson


I’ve never understood why they call junk mail “spam,” because spam is delicious and junk mail is annoying. But you can still find both under my couch.

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I’m sorry that your life turned out like that.

So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t get mad about it, it just means they don’t know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn’t dare interrupt their game of croquet.

I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.

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