Craig Ferguson

Quotes

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I’ve never understood why they call junk mail “spam,” because spam is delicious and junk mail is annoying. But you can still find both under my couch.

We are $14.3 trillion in debt, but the good news is we’ve got 14.3 trillion airline miles.

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in.

All quotes and jokes