Craig Ferguson

Quotes

It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

I’ve never understood why they call junk mail “spam,” because spam is delicious and junk mail is annoying. But you can still find both under my couch.

He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.

If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I’m sorry that your life turned out like that.

All quotes and jokes