My house is on fire... marshmallows!
[When discussing a Florida woman denied a drivers license for refusing to remove her Burka and head covering] You know, I think they should give her the license, but then, it should only be good for flying carpets.
You’re a walking tumor. Actually, it’s a big deal when you spot a tumor.
Yeah, I'll take lettuce... tomato... and- I'm sorry, did you just put your balls in my sandwich?
On Seth Macfarlane, creator of Family Guy: ”You made all your money because you created a fucked up, criminal baby. You’re like Michael Lohan.”All quotes and jokes