Greg Giraldo


My house is on fire... marshmallows!

[When discussing a Florida woman denied a drivers license for refusing to remove her Burka and head covering] You know, I think they should give her the license, but then, it should only be good for flying carpets.

You’re a walking tumor. Actually, it’s a big deal when you spot a tumor.

Yeah, I'll take lettuce... tomato... and- I'm sorry, did you just put your balls in my sandwich?

On Seth Macfarlane, creator of Family Guy: ”You made all your money because you created a fucked up, criminal baby. You’re like Michael Lohan.”

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