Greg Proops

Quotes

Let me tell you about Australia. It’s really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you’re a gleam in your father’s eye.

No one is a natural – you have to work at being a natural.

You're in a bar - grow up. You're drinking poison. You're trying to have sex unsafely with someone you don't know. Is secondhand smoke really the chiefest of your health concerns at this point?

Today’s topic: premenstrual syndrome, the bastards that inflict upon women, earthquakes and stuff that falls down!

We don’t know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

All quotes and jokes