Jake Johannsen

Quotes

I don’t get back to Iowa very often. I mean, it took me a long time to realize that we were free to go.

You know how you look up at your dad when you’re a little kid like he’s got some special Dad knowledge. And then you find out all he really knows is how to have sex with your mom.

I’m single again now. But I’m still buying condoms. Because I don’t want the woman at the store to know I’ve stopped having sex. I don’t think that’s any of her business. But they are kind of piling up now. I’m going to have to have a lucky streak. Or think of a craft project.

All quotes and jokes