Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they'll spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
You might be a redneck if... your home has more miles on it than your car.
You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.All quotes and jokes