You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they'll spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'All quotes and jokes