Jerry Seinfeld


TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem.

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.

I'm in the unfortunate position of having to consider other people's feelings.

Can't you at least die with a little dignity?

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