Joey Bishop


You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future.

I once called my mother during a hurricane. She got on the phone and said, "I can't talk to you, Joey, the lines are down."

My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

A salesman called on my wife the other day and tried to sell her a freezer. "You'll save a fortune on your food bills," he promised. "I can't tell you how much you'll save. It'll be tremendous." Said my wife: "I'm sure you're right, but we're already saving a fortune with our new car by not taking the bus. We're saving a fortune with our new washing machine by not sending out the laundry. We're saving a fortune with our new dishwasher by giving up the maid. The plain truth is that right now we just can't afford to save any more!"

The kick of comedy is to think quickly. It's a great kick.

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