Joey Bishop

Quotes

You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future.

A salesman called on my wife the other day and tried to sell her a freezer. "You'll save a fortune on your food bills," he promised. "I can't tell you how much you'll save. It'll be tremendous." Said my wife: "I'm sure you're right, but we're already saving a fortune with our new car by not taking the bus. We're saving a fortune with our new washing machine by not sending out the laundry. We're saving a fortune with our new dishwasher by giving up the maid. The plain truth is that right now we just can't afford to save any more!"

I once called my mother during a hurricane. She got on the phone and said, "I can't talk to you, Joey, the lines are down."

The kick of comedy is to think quickly. It's a great kick.

My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.

All quotes and jokes