Jon Stewart

Quotes

What is the fear of the 'gay agenda' that has so upset people? Do people think that if gay people are given a place at the table, they'll be so convincing we'll all end up blowing them? What is the issue? 'You know, I'm straight, but you've made such a convincing argument...'

You wake up and you're still a little drunk and you can't believe that hot girl from last night actually has a beard and a penis.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

If you're keeping score at home, so far our war in Iraq has created a police state in that country and socialism in Spain. So, no democracies yet, but we're really getting close.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

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