Lavell Crawford

Quotes

I just got reacquainted with my daddy after 30 years. He came back into my life after 30 years. Ain't that some shit? It's nice. You can laugh if you want to. It ain't like he was lost at sea or nothing.

Doctors — they like auto mechanics. You go in get one thing seen, they want to look at other stuff. I went to a doctor for a twisted ankle, came out with diabetes. I was mad as hell.

Then she’s gonna tell me, “Well, who do you think about when you makin’ love to me?” She’s like, “I know, Halle Berry.” I said, “Nope!” She said, “Gabrielle Union?” “No.” She’s like, “Who then?” “Kim.” She’s like, “Who is Kim?” “The girl I seen at the club last night. Hell, I can’t get Halle Berry, but I can get Kim if you fuck up.

I ain't afraid to die fat -- that's my pallbearers' worry.

Nigga, look at me, do I look like I follow diets well?

All quotes and jokes