Lavell Crawford

Quotes

I ain't afraid to die fat -- that's my pallbearers' worry.

Nigga, look at me, do I look like I follow diets well?

I just got reacquainted with my daddy after 30 years. He came back into my life after 30 years. Ain't that some shit? It's nice. You can laugh if you want to. It ain't like he was lost at sea or nothing.

They always ask you dumb questions. 'Do you wanna be fat?' 'Oh yes, yes, I do. I wanna sweat for no reason.' Every time I breathe, they like, 'Why you breathing so hard?' 'So I can live.'

I love golf. I think Tiger Woods should open up a black golf club. You know, we go to white golf courses and they’re always yelling “Four!” You go to a black golf club, it be “Fo!”

All quotes and jokes