Lee Evans

Quotes

We got completely lost driving in, and we asked the way, yeah, why is it that when you ask for directions you always get the village-fucking-idiot!

I slept really well last night, I slept like a baby: I pissed the bed four times... and woke up crying five.

I tried water polo and my horse drowned... that was a nightmare.

Have you noticed every time there's a murderer on the loose they have that advert pop up from B&Q - "this week, hatchets, half price!"

I love restaurants, and that's the thing now, they always boast about now, restaurants - home made cooking - I don't want home made cooking, that's why I'm here, 'cos I don't like the shit at home! Yeah... you know! And they don't say who's home it is, do they! Could be a mental home, couldn't it!

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