Lee Evans

Quotes

We got completely lost driving in, and we asked the way, yeah, why is it that when you ask for directions you always get the village-fucking-idiot!

I slept really well last night, I slept like a baby: I pissed the bed four times... and woke up crying five.

I tried water polo and my horse drowned... that was a nightmare.

Have you noticed every time there's a murderer on the loose they have that advert pop up from B&Q - "this week, hatchets, half price!"

[about fizzy drinks machines] Who built that machine, to let that can, filled with gas, fall that far? You know, you put in that coin and it's just like *KABOOM!*

All quotes and jokes