Michael Ian Black

Quotes

The first Star Wars trilogy would have been much funnier if the whole time Chewbacca had been pregnant.

The truth is I feel bad about calling you a whore. I don't know anything about your personal life; my judgment was based on nothing more than a general whorish vibe you give off. You look like you'd screw any squirrel that came your way. You look like you'd even screw the knothole in that tree where you live. But this is all speculation on my part, based on nothing more than your aforementioned whorish vibe and sleazy demeanor. Maybe I'm wrong about you. If so, I apologize. But I really don't think I am.

I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

Write more thank-you cards, but draw fewer swastikas on them.

Did my fingering turn you gay? I hope not.

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