Norm Macdonald


When I was younger that’s when I was in good shape. I was in my peak physical condition when I was, like, one. Man, you should have seen me back then.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

This is a thing I read by a scientist... it said scientists now say that a man thinks about sex once every 7.3 seconds. Now, I know what I think every 7.3 seconds. It's just a bunch of meaningless gibberish.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

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