Paula Poundstone

Quotes

I was born in Alabama but I had only lived there a month before I had done everything that there is to do. Even as an infant I was bored and crawled to the state line.

I have no money. I don’t even have a savings account cause I don’t know my mother’s maiden name and apparently that’s the key to whole thing.

I would imagine the wages of sin are death. But by the time they take taxes out it’s just kind of a tired feeling.

I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

All quotes and jokes